guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
