My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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