White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
