another moral hangover. fuck.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
