my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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