I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
