Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
