i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
