i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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