I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
