yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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