Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The air was thick with penises
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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