Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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