What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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