Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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