i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
