OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
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I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
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Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize