I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
