I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
