We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I am one with the molecules
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
