i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
