Already got asked if we're dating
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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