I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
