just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I think your dad took our porno
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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