Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
