"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
only you would photoshop your dick
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
