my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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