I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
