At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
