The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
