why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
