Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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