I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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