She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
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I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
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I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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