Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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