Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
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Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
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She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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