I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
