ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
