If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
