we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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