just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
