I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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