There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
