Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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