Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
