yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
