yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
