Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
