Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She bit a glass in half.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
