john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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