Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
