You surviving the open bar?
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There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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