Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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