Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
