dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
