I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
