i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
And then he peed in my hair
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