My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
