If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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