your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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