Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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