I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
