you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
