i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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