yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
