absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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