Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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