What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize