NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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