there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
