I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
