i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
