he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
