dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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