mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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