Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
They took my balls.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
