miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
