so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
