Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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