I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
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I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
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So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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