Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
