She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
